Matt and I have always been on the same page in regards to whether we will have more children. After Kaden we both knew there would be one more, I knew in my soul that I would be pregnant again. We both thought it would be a girl.
So, we began trying and trying some more and trying some more again… After a year of trying we were not pregnant and doubts were beginning to creep in. I really wanted to have this last child sooner rather than later as I didn’t want a big enough age gap to allow me to get out of the breastfeeding/diaper stage only to go back into it and loose my independence. At the same time, I wasn’t getting any younger either…
I had just about given up and accepted that we were good with our half dozen when I was at a friends house for a ladies craft night. She casually mentioned that she was pregnant and after the flood of excitement and happiness that I felt for her ceased my head began spinning. For our last two children she and I have spent time pregnant together and the children are a month or two apart. At this point I thought “wait, if she is pregnant is there a chance that I could be too?”. Funny how those things work. After this thought I paid close attention and when I noticed that I had missed a period by a few days (cause you know there is an app for that) I took a test. Sure enough!!!!!
The pregnancy was picture perfect and my easiest by far. I had a few weeks of morning sickness in the beginning, but after that nothing the rest of the pregnancy. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes and had to check my blood four times a day but I was able to keep my numbers low through diet and never needed any intervention.
I could tell I was older this time though as the last month and a half were nearly unbearable. I was in a state of fatigue on a continuous basis and could not function in my normal duties. It was hard as I felt like I was never present and was neglecting carrying for my other children. Lucky enough their dad took the most of my burden and the older siblings truly stepped up, then my mother came and relieved me of the rest and I was able to keep my uncomfortable, extremely tired and irritable self in bed asleep a good amount of the time.
True to history my due date came and went and everyone was extremely anxious. Life was put on hold and it felt like I was a watched pot waiting to boil. The midwives were getting more anxious as the days went by because of the problems we had with Kaden losing his fluid before birth.
At nine days overdue they scheduled an ultrasound and then an appt. We all knew without it being actually said, that my chances of lasting through the day and going on my own were about nil at this point.
Before heading out for the apt I snapped the shot above and posted the following to facebook
“Maybe today will mark the end of my baby creating career?”
Matt and I then left for the ultrasound. As the sonographer got to the point where she was measuring fluid I casually mentioned why we were concerned. She then mentioned that , Yes, my fluid was low. She gave us the report and we were on our way. At this point I was afraid that once again my ability to birth at home was in jeopardy and I was trying not to be devastated. the report showed that she had measured four quadrants of the uterus for fluid and found only one pocket that was at 4.3. I look up on my handy phone the normal amount and when it said the norm was between 8 and 13 I knew we were going to have a baby.
At the midwives they confirmed that indeed Sadie needed to come out within the next 24 hrs. She checked me for the first time this pregnancy and my uterus was too high for her to strip my membranes. Sadie had not engaged and was no where near low. Things didn’t look to good.
After talking with the midwife who would be on call that night they agreed to try this new herb called Lemon Verbena. I was very skeptical as no natural remedies had ever worked in inducing me before. I really doubted anything short of breaking the water or pitocin would work on me. they on the other hand were confidant and said that this herb had a really good reputation and was a guarantee.
I called mom and had her get the children ready for gymnastics and Mike ready for dance as Matt gave me a look that said “really"?”. Yes, I was still not convinced we were going to have a baby through natural induction and wanted to make sure that our children did not miss any of their activities.
We stopped at Marlene’s to pick up the ingredients for the Lemon Verbena concoction and then headed home.
I took the first dose at 5:00 with no signs of consistent contractions and then Matt and I headed upstairs to put the plastic down under the birth tub, finish my preparations (hanging the birth banner, finding my labor bracelet, posting the labyrinth that I had made in a spot where I could see it during labor, etc.. I will post these in another post), hook up the hose, find a bowl to catch the placenta, ensure we had enough pads, towels, blankets, newborn hats, transfer a lamp with a lower light setting into the bathroom and start the incense that I had chosen.
We finished a little before six and I had experienced one light contraction. At this point Matt went downstairs to care for the children and I climbed into the tub. Being a Pisces, A hot tub is a refuge for me when I am stressed, sick or uncomfortable and I had spent a great portion of my pregnancy in our tub as evident by our water bill. I finished the book I was reading and Matt came up about 7:00 to say it had been two hours and we should call the midwife back to report. I had another contraction about 6:45 making a total of 2 since taking the verbena. We couldn’t reach the midwife and so we waited for one of the other midwives to call. She instructed us to go ahead with the second dose which I took at 7:30.
My book was finished and the tub was starting to cool but there was no other place that I wanted to be so I ran more hot water and began to play candy crush on my phone. Soon after this the contractions came on. They were all very mild but sort of consistent so I began tracking them (once again, there is an app for that). They started at about 12 min apart and then went to 6 and then to four. At this point I was bored and needed my phone to play candy crush so I stopped tracking. They were still consistent and still pretty mild. Mild enough that I played through them. The water got cold and Kaden came into the bathroom so I climbed out. He questioned what we were doing and I told him we were getting ready for the baby to come. I then told him that daddy and I had seen the baby that day. We had seen her foot and her hands and her head… His mouth opened and his eyes got big in alarm as he said “And then you put her back in???” It was so funny. He was so mad at us.
I climbed into bed and nursed him to sleep thinking that maybe his nursing would make the contractions stronger. Instead, they stopped. By the time the midwife called at a little before ten I hadn’t had one in nearly an hour. She stated that we had to plan our next step and the options were, wait a few hours and she would call again, have her stop by at midnight to see if maybe the baby had at least descended low enough for her to break my water or wait through the night and she would come in the morning to break my water. I wanted to tell her to come in the morning. I didn’t think we were anywhere close to having a baby and I didn’t want her to drive all the way down here for nothing. I was going with that until I felt a strong urging to tell her to come at midnight. Even as I said it I regretted it because I was sure it would be a waste of her time.
After we hung up I sat on the birth ball, leaning on the bathroom counter and cried, sobbed, the horrible snot run down your nose, can’t breath, face turns red and you look horribly ugly kind of cry. I was so very frustrated and discouraged and disappointed in myself. In a world where millions of people go into labor on their own every day why couldn’t I figure it out?
When I could cry no more I went back to playing candy crush, still sitting on the ball.
Midnight came and the midwife showed up. She asked how things were going and I told her they were incredibly inconsistent and I didn’t think it had worked. I had a contraction right as she arrived and after talking with us a bit she went to the rest room. As soon as she left I felt another. I looked at Matt in surprise and mentioned that those two were less than three minutes apart. That really threw me for a loop and I was pretty confused. By the time she came back they were consistent at three min a part but still fairly mild. It was about 12:15 when she stated that she didn’t think we would have to break my water after all. She then asked us if she hadn’t been there would we be calling her? Matt and I both said “no”. I was still not sure they wouldn’t stop again as they were so mild and my water had not yet broken. she replied that she was glad she was already there then.
At 12:20ish she asked if she could check me just to see where we were. Due to the baby being up high last time she checked she wanted to do it with me on the floor rather than on the bed as it was firmer and would allow her to reach further and easier. Looking down at the pad and pillow on the floor I thought “there is no way in heck I am laying down on the floor during these contractions”. While they were still manageable they were beginning to take more concentration and be more painful. We timed it so that directly after a contraction I quickly laid down and she checked then I quickly got up before the next contraction. I was surprised to hear that I was at a comfortable 5. I didn’t have a lot of time to process it though as the contractions were now barely a min a part. I remember the initial shock on hearing it and sort of thinking that yes, this was it and there was no turning back. I was in this until the end.
For those who haven’t been in labor, it is sort of surreal. You enter this weird time warp where all other things, including time, cease to exist and you are alone in this weird place where the only thing you can do is react to your body. You are vaguely aware of others and of time passing but none of it is real or relevant.
Shortly after checking me I moved to leaning on a big file cabinet we have in the bathroom. I asked for my phone and for matt to take this picture and I face booked the following,
“ No need to break the water.. Midwife walks in and things went quickly. At a five and these things really hurt now”
Matt, in his wisdom, started to fill the birth pool against my suggestion that we still had plenty of time. I continued to hang out in this position as I ran my finger through my labyrinth a few contractions and then spent another three contractions fingering the beads on my bracelet and thinking about their meaning for me or about the person who had given me that bead. Around this time, probably about 12:45 I had a sudden desire to get into the tub and again had to time it so that as soon as a contraction ended I ran across the room and by the time I had my leg up over the tub another one hit.
I had another strong one and thought, OK, we are truly in active labor now, these ones really hurt and are beginning to not be bearable. The midwife asked if I was more comfortable in the tub and I responded that “no, nothing was really comfortable at this point”. I think she said that was a good thing…
Normally in labor I am a true tensser. I tense up every single muscle in preparation for a contraction as a defense mechanism to try to make it not hurt as bad. Logically I know that makes it hurt more but it is still my natural reaction. this labor I worked incredibly hard at not tensing and it was so very hard to do. With these last contractions I felt like I could literally feel my pelvis being pulled apart… I leaned over the tub with my arms hanging out over the side as another one hit and Matt was holding my head and trying to help. I was prepared for another contraction with the same intensity and such and instead, in the middle of it I started groaning. In the middle of groaning I realized that I was also pushing. thoughts tried to come to the surface that were surprised that I was pushing as this was not how normal progression for me went… At the same time my midwives words were trying to surface as she was telling me I had to roll over onto my back quickly… A lot was going on but I could do nothing put push and groan. Somehow I turned over and asked why this contraction was not stopping, why I had been pushing for so long without a break… Then I felt her crown and said “There she is”. Sure enough, my princess was born at 12:55 am. Matt was not able to catch as he was still at my head and wasn’t able to get to the other end of the tub quick enough. None of us was prepared for her to come this quickly. I laid there with her on my chest still trying to comprehend how all this had happened and why she was here so suddenly. A friend described it best when she said “you didn’t even have enough time to comprehend that you were in labor”. How true that is.
Later I said that I had pushed for three minutes when the midwife informed me that it was for less than a minute. I also had the impression I was yelling while pushing but everyone there says I was groaning and not loud at all. My mother was standing by the main bedroom door waiting for the video camera when she heard me groan and thought that was weird, by the time she made it to the master bathroom Sadie was on my chest.
we had arranged for a videographer and photographer to be there to capture the labor and delivery but they both arrived after she was born. The pictures above, while not the best, are truly the whole thing…
It was actually very nice as it was only Matt, me and the midwives present. It was quiet and humble and so very precious.
Half of the children were asleep and when someone went to wake up Mike he responded with “I will see her in the morning”.
Thanks to the castor oil the tub was not fit to stay in for as long as I would have liked. I remember laying there knowing that I had to get out but wishing I could stay forever. We did wait until the cord had stopped pulsing before cutting it. I had wanted to wait until the placenta was delivered to make sure that she received all the blood from it that she could but the midwife did not want me delivering the placenta in the dirty tub. I stepped out and literally as I was stepping out delivered the placenta.
She weighed in at 9lbs 15 oz and 21 3/4 inches. I had no tears (I have never torn).
I am so thankful for this birth and for the experience. While there are times I am literally still confused and wish that it was video taped so I would have an accurate glimpse of what happened, I am so glad to have had the easiest and quickest birth I could imagine.
