A Little Less

Matt and I are finding that this life change we are embarking on is about more than just living in a tiny home. It is a different mind set, a different attitude. Each choice is evaluated differently.
This Christmas has made this even more apparent.
Let's start with the tree... We gave up our fake tree last year and instead cut our own live one. This year as we went to get our tree the attitude was different somehow. We all feel in love with this beauty no taller than our 8 year old.

A typical tree for us held a collection of ornaments that at first had been thoughtfully chosen, one for each child. Within a few years they became quickly chosen in a panic from the after Christmas discount stock. Add a few more years and the whole tree event became a nightmare as the little people wanted to help and matt didn't, ornaments got broken, mom got stressed. Popcorn and cranberries were strung with glee for about fifteen minutes, then everyone wandered off and I was left stringing amongst a mess of ground up popcorn and sticky cranberries on the floor. Sitting there looking at the Christmas decorations I couldn't find the spirit to do it all again. So, I threw them all away or sold them and we commenced making glued yarn balls. The whole family, together, the whole time. Not because we had to be to continue a "tradition" but because we wanted to be. Because it was fun.

Eventually our tree added a few more decorations.  lace up cards? Sure, why not?

I do love our tree, until.... I go to visit someone else's home. For some reason it seems that this is the year of the twelve foot tree that takes up a whole room by itself!  They are beautiful, majestic even. Envy creeps in and then doubt... Why can't I manage to have a tree like that? (hmm. Maybe because it won't even begin to fit in my home?) am I giving my children enough of "the experience"? Do they feel envy? Will they grow up feeling "less than"? Will I eventually have to pay for therapy because they had a less significant tree?  Logically I know this is not true, but emotionally I have just lost in the comparison game, again....
Temporarily I have forgotten the joy that our tree brings us and how I love it so. I have lost touch with what brings me and my family happiness.
This moment reminds me of why I so desperately want to make this change.
On to the good stuff. As far as presents go my kids never seem to know what they want. Figuring it out is like pulling teeth. In August I told them that they would get four things and to start thinking about them. They would include a want, a need, something to wear and something to read. We stuck to that. I know my children will be happy with what they get, but as I place it under the tree I have to repeat it to myself like a mantra. It's not a lot and I guarantee they will open it all within half an hour. Will I hear devastated children wondering where the rest of their presents are? No. But I Still can't help but be afraid. It's truly amazing how deep our programing runs, and frightening if you actually think about it...
Stockings, can't forget the Stockings. This year they are full of things to pack a personal 72 hr kit instead of useless toys and candy, well, there may be a bit of candy...

Again, in my heart I know that this supports the direction I want to go in, but in my head I hear loud complaints coming from devastated children.
Tomorrow could go down as the best Christmas ever, or, we could barely survive it. Heaven help us....