Half Dozen

When I was pregnant with Michael a friend did the "baby test" on me. The one where you take a ring, string it on a necklace and hang it over the left palm. If it moves in a circle the baby will be a girl, back and forth, it's a boy. When it stops you move the ring away from the hand then put it back. It will tell you how many children you will have and their birth order. It came out girl,boy, boy, girl, boy, boy. finding this interesting I went home to tell Matt, who then told me that it was the same when I had done it pregnant with Seri (I didn't remember this).
It has always been the same pattern no matter who does it. six children. A half dozen.
As we continued having children we were not surprised to see the pattern emerge.... I think we always knew we would have a half dozen. While at times we may have swayed and wondered. Somehow, both of us knew there would be a half dozen.
So, Matt and I had a scare in Oct when I missed a period while on the pill. During the anxious weeks we waited to see if I was or not, we both became used to the idea. We talked about trying and Jan and Feb were perfect months as those would produce birthdays in months that were not already taken (Oct. and Nov).
At the same time, I had some misgivings. In the past year I have lost 45 pounds and have gone from running an 1/8 of a mile to running over 6 miles. I have worked really hard for both of those accomplishments... Being pregnant would interfere with my plans to run a Marathon and participate in the 3 day walk for a cure.... I would gain weight...... So, I put an agreement before the Lord. It it was time, I would do it.... But I was only giving him until March.
Last week both Matt and my mother commented multiple times that I was acting strangely. I was short with people, rude at times and ambivalent the rest of the time. They are both pretty intune to me, more than I am to myself at times. With both of them having agreed something was off I went to the dollar store (why pay more than a buck?) and purchased a test on a whim. As the first line appeared I frantically tried to remember whether the first line was the test line or the control line.... Then the second line appeared and elation filled my soul.
I came out and continued our nightly ritual of getting jammies on, teeth brushed and reading our scriptures together (pure torture), then during prayer when it was my turn I asked that the Lord bless mommy and the baby that she was carrying...... Defenitly a moment I will remember forever as my husband looked at me with a smile and a questioning look, Seri said "wait, what did you just say?" and Michael let out a whoop of joy and jumped across the circle to give me a hug....
So, here we are. Our half dozen nearly materialized.
I am so blessed, so thankful to be given the oppurtunity to be pregnant and create life once again. Admmist these feelings I am worried about gaining weight, losing my ability to run. I wonder if the baby will be healthy, I do have 5 perfectly healthy children with no medical issues whatsoever..... my odds are increasing (you know the whole 2 out of ten children have.......) This is my first AMA pregnancy (Advanced Maternal Age).
I am annoyed at people who look at us as if we have lost our minds or don't know what we are doing. Those that insist on asking you if this is it or tell you how easy it is to get your tubes tied or your husband fixed....
Among all these emotions my heart aches for those that want a child or more children and it hasn't happened for them... I sympathize. Believe it or not I have been through infertility, have known what it feels like to wonder if you will ever carry another child. To wonder why the Lord wont bless you with another one when everyone else is having children..... I long to know the Lords reasoning for this....
We need a bigger van, a bigger table......
I am so excited!!!!!
We are planning a home birth again and those that know we let people come as long as they take a job (each younger child has someone assigned to make sure they are OK and taken care of, we have someone take pictures and someone videotape. There is also someone who makes breakfast, does laundry and is a general gopher)are already asking to be present. The list is almost full.
So here is to another adventure! Another turn to show off my super power that is to create Life!!!!!!